i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
