I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
