she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
