I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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