just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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