Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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