guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
