I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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