i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
