theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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