come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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