When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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