I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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