So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
nutella sex= disaster
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
