All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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