I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Holy shit dude........stairs
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
