I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
