I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
