soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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