he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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