My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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