The maid of honor just puked.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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