Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
