possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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