I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
dude. I can hear the air.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
