we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
