O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
