I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
