I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
