I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
