It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
