she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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