My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
