He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
