the condom got lost in my hair
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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