No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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