I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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