I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
