I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
