Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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