You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
