I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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