we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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