Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
