don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
