Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
