I cockslap morals
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
