the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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