Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
