Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I wish they made helmets for livers.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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