I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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