Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
